I'm still thinking a lot about faith. And it's causing me to again study the aspects of selfishness that lead me to where I am. I cannot deny them. I am being selfish to be me. To be happy. Sure, my life would be total crap and I'd be miserable, but without my transition, I'd still be in the good (financial) graces of my parents and many of my old friends, not to mention the Christian Church.
Then I reexamine that logic. My parents and I have always disagreed on many things. And I don't think I'd have much more of a relationship with them anyway. And most of my old friends from high school and college moved on and drifted away. The friends I have now are the best I've ever had. I've never felt more valued for who I am. I've never felt more at ease. I've never had as many intense, intelligent discussions.
Back to me being rather miserable and lonely if I was trying to hide who I am. I wouldn't have an awesome boyfriend. I wouldn't have this awesome roommate. I wouldn't socialize with all these awesome people.
And so, does the loss affect me? Yes. But the gain brings me more joy than I can fathom.
(more on the actual faith aspect later)
and here's a photo of the scars my binder has caused.