These are both the greatest thing ever and my downfall:

Another weekend gone. Nothing to report. Glad to have the boy back.

Cut my hair. All off.

Ate a bunch.

Watched the movie Beautiful Boxer. It was fantastic. It's about a transsexual Thai boxer who boxes in order to make enough money to transition.

It has some good lines:

“Your son’s heart has been emotionally crippled for awhile now. The operation will allow his body and his soul to coexist more harmoniously.”

“It’s hard being a man and it’s difficult to be a woman. But the most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be.”

Also, video update.

Sometimes the day drags on. Or the week. Or whatever. I wish I could get out of this funk. Friends help. Immensely. But it doesn't help that their own funks contribute to mine.

Leg is sore today. actually my entire body is sore today.

I need to start having more self-control when it comes to eating sugar. It's lending to my acne and certainly giving me headaches and probably I'll end up with diabetes before I'm 30. So how to get self-control?

I got a new awesome shirt though.



http://transhop.spreadshirt.com/

Shot, right leg.

I took my car to the mechanic yesterday and picked it up today. It was less than half of the cost I thought it would be. So I was rather overjoyed. I don't have to borrow anything from my dad. I am glad that he is willing to help me, but I'm glad that I don't have to rely on him in that way. I don't have to have anything hanging over my head or something that my mother could possibly use as leverage. So that's nice.

Ringworm is really bad at work. I hope I can stay clean.

I love my friends. And outings with them.

I think I'm feeling a bit trangsty currently. Possibly due to the fact that it's close to time to take my shot.

I don't want to be an adult anymore. I don't want to work, or pay for things.

Acne sucks. I wish I could have the other bits about puberty without the pimples. Ah well.

My binders have been chafing pretty badly lately. I don't know exactly why, but I don't care for it.

I was asked today if I was still sick. I said I was not sick, nor could I remember the last time I was. The next question was about why my voice was hoarse. I said it was just my voice now. I don't know if the asker got it then or not.

I am so glad it's the weekend again. I have to take my car to the mechanic tomorrow. Then there's a nice big trans meet-up. Exciting.

I'm tired. And I got a very bad nosebleed at work today. I'm sure you wanted to hear that. Bled for about half an hour. And then I was all week and pale and shaky. Good times, that.

Anyhow.

I have no photos to share. I'm done.

I am really running out of things to say. Changes are happening so slowly now that I cannot note them daily and really not even weekly. I guess hair is still filling in, but nothing spectacular. I haven't been to the gym in almost two weeks. I have been eating a lot of sweets and other horrible things. I need to stop that. And stop spending money.

So here's to being healthy and cheap.

Look, veins:

So I've been having money woes. And so I decided to call my dad about it because he has a sound business mind. Now, I didn't want to ask him for money because that would be something that my mother could hold over my head. Either by saying that I needed to do or not do things for it, or berating me for spending a lot of money for therapy and the doctor and prescriptions and court fees, etc. Gender stuff.

Anyhow, I talked to my dad and got a lot of sound advice. Also, he said that his company (he owns a construction company) could give me a loan to get my car fixed. I'm still in the midst of deciding if I want to do even that. I may just cancel my insurance and start riding the bus. But that's just a thought. I need to take it to another mechanic to get a quote. Then we'll go from there.

I realized that not many people actually use pronouns for me. And that's fine. They use my name, or not much at all. But sometimes, with some people, masculine pronouns are almost as jarring as feminine ones. I know so many guys who just slip into them with ease and refer to themselves with masculine ones, but though feminine ones have never seemed right to me, masculine ones don't quite fit either. It's just a weird thing. Masculine pronouns are my choice over feminine, and also over the various neutral pronouns. I am not complaining that people use them for me, I am simply noting that it still seems strange at times. Mostly good, just strange.

Hooray weekend!

Some say Trans is a new trend. Fuck that. I mean, I'm all for more lovely transpeople in the world, but it's not like it's the glamorous life or anything. It's not cheap. There's the therapist. The doctor. The blood labs (every few months). The prescription. The binders. The packers. The court fees. The phone calls. The tears. The acne. The arguments with parents. The needles. The growing out of clothes. The going hungry. The hot flashes. The not being able to breathe. The cracking voice. The awkward responses...


Etc.

I suppose I do see that there seems to be a growing population of trans people, guys especially. And I don't know all the reasons for this, but I'm not going to call them fakes. Instead, I'm going to note that it is now less of an arduous process that it has been. I said less, it is still quite arduous(see first paragraph).

I could probably keep ranting about this. It's been bugging me for days. But I won't. I'm stopping.

Now I can go wallow in my money worries and cuddle with a lovely boy.

Today my leg is a little sore, but not much at all.

I think I have more stomach hair. And chest hair. And under-my-chin hair.

And I can notice the different fluctuations regarding T. Eating habits, libido, etc. I don't really like it. I wish it was steady. Perhaps someday, once I have money and the changes have essentially stopped occurring, I will go back to the gel or cream or whatnot.

Anyhow, I feel a bit off. But the weekend is in sight, hopefully that will help.

Shot up today. Left leg. Ordered refill. Nothing further to report.

I really like my boyfriend, just in case anyone was unsure about that. He makes all my days.

I also really like snow and I'm sad I probably won't get to romp in this batch. Stupid work...

10 months on T (to the day)

So it's ten months today, but I haven't really got anything to talk about transition-wise.

I went to lunch with an old roommate today. She's pretty cool. I did get 'she-d' once. We didn't really talk about me, which is perfectly fine. Just did some reminiscing and catching up. It was nice.

I have a new mattress! Thank you kind tax return for helping solve my back problems.

bout time the weekend came around again.

i really do love snow. glad it finally warmed up enough to start.

it's supposed to be about 50 on saturday. wow.

i am le tired.

I get to see a lovely boy soon. and my weekend is coming up. couldn't be happier.

It's cold. I cuddled. Wish I could do so more, but my extra warm body is inhabiting another bed tonight. Man, it's been over a month since that last happened. I've got it bad...

I have made some rules regarding sugar intake and I hope to stick to them fairly strictly. I just want to be more healthy.

I am noticing more chest hair. And stomach hair. And a lot of stubble under my chin. And a few sideburn hairs.

I jacked up my left shoulder somehow. I don't know if it's a muscle thing or a joint thing, but it hurts and I can't use it fully. It's actually hard to put on and remove my binder. Could get interesting.