Now that I'm done wallowing in self-pity, I have some serious thinking and planning to do. Namely saving all the money I can for the surgeries in hope I can get them done sooner rather than later. I am mentally kicking myself for thinking in the moment so much. I could have had all the money I need on hand right now. But I tend to spend rather frivolously. Books, DVDs, movie theaters, gas (I need to ride my bike even in winter...), clothes, alcohol, junk food, restaurants, etc. I need to pare my spending down to essentials. And I count hiking and moderate travel as essential.

Now that I know I can use my flex spending account, I feel better. I won't lose that money. I just have to pay upfront, and then submit a claim. So again, more thinking about and rearranging money. 

I also think I need to talk to the surgeon more. I want to know if I can see any results from him. I have been doing heaps of research and have noted that many of the results are less than satisfactory. I am assuming this is why two surgeries are required, but I need to know more.  I am very impressed with his double incision results, having seen several patients in person. And as much as I'd like to not have such scars, I am wary of trying something unknown.

Chest surgery updates

Dr. Hartley says I'm a go for the periareolar procedure. This means I won't have the long double incision scars. However, it does mean that I will need two separate surgeries.

He said that my pectus excavatum would not pose a problem. He will not remove as much breast tissue, instead sculpting it a bit more naturally to "fill in" the hole in my chest.

Now I'm just worried about money. I have enough for the initial surgery- the same amount it would cost if I did do the double incision. I do not however have the extra ~$4 grand. The second surgery would be a few months after the first one, so I can probably get about half of it, but I'll likely have to borrow some. I have a couple of options there.

I have a date scheduled for the end of March. I have to decide if I will go ahead with it, or postpone until later in the year instead of taking out loans.

I thought I'd been pretty good at saving money, but I'm realizing that's not really true. I will be better for the next few months. I will have to be very deliberate on what I spend my money on.

I also need to talk to my job about taking time off and easing back into work. The doctor said I need to take two full weeks off to recover. I have the PTO for that, but if I can talk to my supervisors about doing some desk work for some of the second week, I think I would like to save some of the PTO. It's made quite a bit more difficult by not having a manager currently. Ours recently left and they've yet to hire a new one. Also, the head of HR is brand new, so I feel a bit strange with the whole situation.

Mostly I'm just freaking out in my head that it's actually coming so close to happening. I certainly prefer this method to the double incisions; I just don't prefer that it costs half again as much. I like knowing that the scarring will be minimal. I like knowing that I'll still have nipple sensation, as the nerves will not be severed and nothing will be grafted.

I had a hard time deciding whether or not to inform my parents of this procedure. I finally called my dad because he reads this blog anyway. Through that conversation, I realized that I don't need to tell my mom. There is almost no way for her to find out anyhow, even if she sees me. My relationship with her is pretty good lately, and I'd really hate to ruin that.