Sick. Only went to work for half a day. The latter half. Hopefully I can sleep in tomorrow as well and be better by evening. It's the LGBT Gala at DU. I'm excited to get all nicely dressed and accompany my lovely boyfriend. Then on Saturday, several of my friends and I are going to the Transgender Symposium in Boulder. I'm quite excited.

Hooray weekend.

Yesterday there was a presentation at DU by some Catholic about why gay marriage shouldn't become legal. It was nothing new. It was vaguely infuriating. Liam had prepared a lot of research for rebuttal, however, there wasn't a whole lot of time for his questions. But there was a lively debate afterward which I listened in on. He and a religious studies major talked about some verses and about love. I almost swooned.

Sick. I guess it serves me right for kissing the sick boy last week. I think it may be worth it though. But I hope I don't have to miss work.

Today a coworker asked if I'd been working out. She said I was huge. I mumbled an awkward thank you and beamed on the inside. I mean, I knew i was getting bigger, and my boyfriend tells me about my muscles, but it was nice to hear from someone I don't talk to very much.

This month seems to be dragging on. Not that it's a bad month, it just seems long. And I'm broke. And there are so many things to look forward to in the coming months.

April: my T anniversary; Liam's driving ability.
May: trip south; trip east to Kansas; camping trip west to Utah.
June: Pride

I will need to visit my parents this summer sometime. It could get interesting. My mother still doesn't really want me to come with anyone, but I don't know if my car will make it. I assume we will stop by at least on the way to or from Utah. I don't know how much I've changed since November, but I'm guessing substantially. As I now pass 99.9%.

Reportedly, the acne on my back is clearing up. That's exciting.

I love introducing old friends to new friends and I love it when they like each other. Thus far, this weekend is great. And the boy is mostly well again!

I finally got to work out again after over a month of relative inactivity. It was nice.

My injected leg isn't sore at all this time. It also didn't bleed at all. Perhaps I finally did it perfectly. I wonder if I can replicate that.

My great friend from Kansas is coming to visit this weekend. I couldn't be more excited. It will be grand to see her and have her meet my wonderful group of friends here.

I really love my boyfriend. I wish I had more words to describe that.

Shot. Right leg. Had to look back to remember which.

I am tired. And apparently a bit low on patience. I think it has to do with lack of T.

Boyfriend is back. Hooray. We cleaned his apartment and gave him a scare because of it. Fun times. Also, I figured out the cause of my sore shoulder. Bummer.

My friend from Kansas is coming at the end of the week. I'm terribly excited.

I have been so hungry lately. Or perhaps it isn't hunger so much as the want to keep on eating everything. Regardless, it needs to taper off as it's fairly costly.

I enjoy having holidays on weekends. Drinking with good friends is fantastic.

I saw my therapist today. It's been since October. It was very nice. We talked about possible jobs for me. What I'd like to do, what I can do. How my personality and everything else might work into everything. It was good. I have some ideas about searching for a fulfilling job now.

I am tired. I am almost loathe to admit it, but I sleep so much better with someone beside me. Or at least fall asleep faster. I haven't had a whole lot of luck sleeping this week.

Here is my beefy, veiny hand:

I have to shave every day now to keep the chin patch under control. I don't though. I just should I suppose. I don't much like shaving and I think my face/acne really doesn't like it. I cannot wait until I can just get a beard trimmer and keep a nice scruff.

Acne is bad again. And I've noticed my stomach hair filling in.

My bed is lonesome.

I really need to get back to the gym.

I hate binary gender. And I sort of hate that I'm buying into it simply by transitioning.

This weekend my friends and I got all dressed up and when to dinner and a play. It was fantastic. However, I found out that the top buttons on both of my dress shirts cannot be buttoned. At all. So my tie was slightly shabby. I guess I need to get some new shirts and just never wear a tie with my purple one. My neck seems to still be growing. I cannot wear any of the necklaces I used to wear, all of them are uncomfortably tight.

In this photo I look almost exactly like my brother when he was a bit younger.

So when my dad listed me on facebook as a son, I sent him a brief email telling him thanks and that I appreciate him. He just sent me this response.

"I got your email from the 1st and I keep it in my inbox so when I come accross it every once and awhile it picks me up to know maybe I have done some things ok enough to be appeciated every once and awhile. thanks for the note--your still one of my heroes. love dad"

Yes, he has atrocious spelling and grammar, but that so not the point. I love him. More and more these days.

I've been thinking a lot about chest surgery. I really wish I could have a flat chest without the surgery. I don't want to pay the money, have the pain, live with the scars... I just want to be me. And I don't want to bind. I saw a guy today wearing just a white t-shirt. Only that. I can't do that. Not in public. If I wear white, I have to layer even more than with opaque colors. I hate it.

Today at work I was warned about a dog that didn't like men. And it got me wondering about how dogs perceive me. I mean, if it's based upon appearance, I suppose I do look male, though short. But I feel like it's more about smell. And I wonder how I smell to them. I wonder if I confuse them at all. Regardless, I had no problem with the dog and I appreciated my supervisor mentioning it to me.

i don't know why i'm so blah. leg is a bit sore today. as is my whole body really. i hope i'm not getting sick or something.

this is the last day i can eat sweets for some time. hopefully it will help me cut way back.

i just want to cuddle forever and certainly not go to a meeting at work at 7 tomorrow morning...

I gave myself a shot. Left leg. Didn't even check to see if that was the right one.

I am tired. And my back and neck have been sore for days. I want to sleep for a week. With a nice warm boy to cuddle with of course.

I don't have a spring break or summer vacation to look forward to. Only the endless repeated weeks. and the bright, quickly spent weekends. This is my life. I am living without much of a role in it.

So it was brought to my attention that I've not explained myself in some ways about androgyny and T. I sort of gave up the dream of full androgyny when I began testosterone. I knew that it would change me in ways that I wanted and also ways beyond androgyny. I didn't make that clear, that I chose that. However, someday I hope to sort of explore androgyny from the other side. That is, being a rather femme guy I suppose. I don't know how that will go or even if I'll follow through, but since I still identify as genderqueer I like to explore such gender fuckery.

Anyhow. I want to be cuddled in bed. Yes.

Hey, it's been a long time since I've written. I just haven't had much to say.

I really enjoy weekends spent with my lovely boyfriend. I really enjoy the lovely Spring weather. I really just enjoy life right now.

So, cool news of the day: my dad recently signed up for Facebook and added me. I added him, but restricted him from seeing most things. He can see a few photos and that's about it. However, I did decide to list him as my father. Today, he confirmed the family request and listed me as his son. It made me hugely happy. I had to do a bit of research to find out if the gender designation was default though. And it's not. He did that of his own volition. Makes me even more happy.

So I don't know what it is about this dose of T, but I've had a couple of days of huge libido followed by today which was a day of huge hunger. It's sort of scary actually.

Oh, and even though I haven't worked out in a couple of weeks, I am still noticing shirts that are too small. I tried on my Swallows (RIP) shirt that is a medium and used to be my 'big' shirt. It now fits me so wonderfully that I wish I had more like it.

I still need to fix the locks on my car. I now know how to do it, but I haven't found the time or daylight to take the doors apart again. And I may need to buy more lovely plastic bits.

So, I never seemed to have much trouble of this sort earlier, but now I'm having some uncomfortableness involving my binders. Not rubbing, but sort of just trapped moisture causing itching and the like. So I've been using corn starch to alleviate that.

I've been running/walking during my lunch breaks this week. It's been really nice to get out into the lovely spring weather. But my shoes are crap for running.

My sideburns are starting to come in one hair at a time. I have to shave every other day now for sure, and even at the end of one day, I'm a bit prickly on my chin.