The end of March and beginning of April is when all of my transition anniversaries fall. I started testosterone 14 years ago. Chest surgery 9 (and 8) years. Hysto 2 years.
It's surreal to continue keeping track of something like this. Something that helps make me who I am. Something that is increasingly difficult to reckon with in current society.
Back in 2008 or so when I was first learning about myself and transness in general, it was tough societally. There was general confusion and an general lack of rights. For instance, insurance didn't cover any treatments related to gender dysphoria. I paid for all of that out of pocket on a non-profit salary for many years. These days insurance helps with that, but the public perception of trans people is daunting. I enjoy the rights that have come (in my state at least), but sometimes I think it was better when people didn't know about us. The hate is overwhelming at times. The misunderstanding. I'm just tired.
At the animal shelter, I was mostly out, since I began transition while working there. At my "new" job, I'm very much not out. I don't necessarily hide myself, but I definitely don't share many personal details. I think this is fine, I'm not at this job to make friends. And I certainly feel more vulnerable here than before. At the shelter there was a very high percentage of queer folks, but now, I'm one of very few (that I know of). It's just a strange change. I'm glad that I can be more or less stealth. Safe. But I also hate that I feel it's necessary.
I've joined a HEMA club. That's Historical European Martial Arts. I'm learning to sword fight! This particular club is very intentional about being inclusive. It is really nice to be in a space fully of queer folks and to feel safe there. Even with steel flying around! In general, it's been a great new thing to learn and work on. I've been physically stagnant for several years with injuries, surgeries and general depression. I'm happy to be moving my body intentionally again.
