I love snow.

I've certainly missed it. Sometimes I get to thinking how it does cause problems. I don't like driving in it in town. I much prefer tramping through it in large boots. I really, absolutely love it. I love the bite of it on my bare cheeks. I love the way it dampens sounds and reflects light. I love the way it sounds, flakes sifting through the bare branches of trees and grating against other flakes. I love the way it smells. Now, some look at me incredulously when I say snow has a smell, but I assure you, it does. It smells cold for one. And, well, it smells like snow. And I love it. I love romping in the snow then coming back inside and getting some hot chocolate (with Bailey's!) and snuggling in and watching it continue to snow.

And, since that had nothing at all to do with transition, I'll switch topics. I've been working out occasionally with my boyfriend and my buddy at my buddy's gym. It's been great. I find that I don't really get tired. Pretty much at all. Sure, my muscles get fatigued, but overall, not really tired. And I found some lovely new veins popping from my biceps the other day. That was fun. It was also fun to distract the boy with said biceps.

My injection site has barely been sore this time, and I'm quite pleased about that.

Uhum, nothing more, just excited about the short work week, the holiday pay and the celebratings tomorrow.

And here is my 3 day 'beard'.

So I got my ID. It may or may not have been sitting on my coffee table for a week or so, as it was mixed in with my roommate's mail. Oops. But I have it now. And that means that I can either go to the bank over a lunch break or next Monday. In the meantime, I'll have to carry both my new ID and my passport if I want to still use my debit and credit.

I did find out that the process for getting a new passport does not require my changing my birth certificate. I only have to get a note from my doctor and send my decree of legal name change. And some paperwork and some money.

I gave myself my shot yesterday. Left leg. No problems. It's only very vaguely sore this time around.

Acne sucks. As usual. I need to work on eating better and working out and spending more wisely. Those are my unofficial New Year's resolutions.

And here's the view everyone was waiting for, my stomach hair:

I guess my chest is getting a bit smaller. I hadn't really noticed. But for the hell of it, I decided to put on one of my compression shirts. It is not a binder, but it is made of spandex and I used to use this type as a binder, folded up over my chest. But when I tried this on, I didn't particularly need to fold it up. Sure, I wasn't as flat as with an actual binder, but with an undershirt and another shirt, no one would be the wiser. Just an interesting thing to note. However, while my breasts might be getting smaller, my chest itself seems to be getting bigger. Muscles I suppose. My newest binder tends to chafe me pretty badly if worn for too long. And I broke it in months ago. I feel that I've mentioned before how I'm a bit nervous about getting a new one when the time comes. I feel that the small really may be too small for my new muscle structure, but I'm afraid a medium will not bind appropriately. Such a dilemma.

I miss my boy. It sort of sucks not to wake up next to a warm body each morning if one is used to it after so long.

There's apparently a holiday coming right up. Who knew? I got some holiday pay today and will again tomorrow. That's very nice. I spent about a hundred bucks on my car on Wednesday. Got everything in good order though.

I just received via Royal air mail, my copy of Jonsi's live show DVD and CD. I couldn't have wished for better timing.

I don't like being alone at my house. But at least I'm getting some things done.

I am getting furrier. It is quote noticeable on my stomach. And I am getting more visible hairs around my nipples. Not exactly something I relish, but I know I cannot pick and choose. Also getting the infamous ass-crack hair. As I'm sure everyone wanted to know. Voice seems to be settling quite nicely. It still cracks occasionally. I notice it most when I'm trying to talk to dogs at work. My acne is sort of atrocious. It was staying right along my jawline and on my back, but now it's creeping up my cheeks and down my neck. I figure it might be getting irritated from shaving. I got a new sort of scrub for blackheads and I'm hoping that will solve the problem.

I've been spending far more money than I should. It's sort of ridiculous. I still really need a duvet cover for my down comforter though. And a mattress.

I am not getting anyone anything for Christmas for many reasons. One is that I don't really like Christmas. Another is that I'm fairly poor. Another is that I hate obligatory gifting. I like to give when I know someone wants or needs something. Also, I don't expect anything from anyone, although I already got edible goodies from my roommate and my mother. As if I need sugar.

I don't generally make New Year's resolutions, but I am going to certainly try to contain my sugar consumption after the holidays have passed.

Have I mentioned I'm happy beyond description? Because I am. There are no words. I am the king of the world.

37 weeks and 2 days

Back from a bit of a holiday. It was nice to get out of my routine for a bit. I love my friends. I love the new people I just met. I ate and drank and seldom slept. It's grand to be home. It is grand to be back in someone's lovely arms.

Since I haven't shaved since Friday, my prickles are pretty visible. Still just on my chin. Sort of ridiculous actually.

Today I take care of my poor car. And get ready for a short work week. One full day and two shortened ones. Hooray holidays.

I have nothing much to say.

I apparently suck at updating.

My life is swell. Best it's been in a very long time. And I'm about to take a bit of a holiday, so that will be even better.

I can tell I'm getting more hairy. That's about it. Oh, and more acne. I really need to work on that.

I went to the midnight premier of Tron last night/this morning. It was astounding. I was just hoping for it to be entertaining, but it was pretty effing awesome. Surely one I will own. I want to be Jeff Bridges. For sure.

I'll not likely update this weekend in Kansas, so see you on Tuesday or so.

DMV today. Now I have a piece of paper that says my real name, gender, height, address, weight, and eye color (yes, all of those changed.) They couldn't give me back my old license because it doesn't match. I'm not really looking forward to using my passport as my primary ID, but I suppose that it wouldn't be the end of the world if I lost it, as I'll be needing a new one soon anyhow.

I gave myself my shot today. I always feel like I'm not doing it quite right. But nothing bad has happened, so I guess I'm fine. I certainly was noticing that I was due for it though. Not terribly, but slightly on the feeling of emotions and the short temper. All will be well in days. And I know my appetite will rise as well. I need to work on that...

This weekend was nothing short of amazing. Quite possibly the best in my life. And it was mainly uneventful.

I've a short work week coming up. Then off to Kansas. I've also got a holiday party for work. I'm sort of looking forward to that. Mostly for the free food.

I don't like that it's 50 degrees at 6pm on the 12th of December. It makes me sick. I want snow. Even just a little. So badly.

I can feel the end of the T cycle. I've managed to stay in good moods, only snapped once on accident. I think the present company keeps me pretty level emotionally.

As far as changes. Well, I guess this is my place to be blunt. For posterity and all. Anyhow, I've read that one of the possible and even perhaps probable side effects of taking testosterone was vaginal dryness. Let's just say that eight plus months in, it's not a problem I'm facing. At all.

Tomorrow I go to the DMV. I get to be completely official. So exciting. And I get to stab myself.

I need to watch my sugar intake. And money spending. Yes.

end of line.

I got my new social security card today. It was fantastic to get my first piece of mail with my new full name on it. I may have been giddy for a bit. Might still be.

Glad it's the weekend. Looking forward to sleeping in.

DMV on Monday. This means I need to travel to Kansas with my passport though.

Damn, I need to stop spending money. Seriously. I am in debt to my credit card and I don't like that. I though I would catch up this month, but I forgot that this is the month that my quarterly car insurance goes through. Bummer.

I am headed to Kansas to visit one of my best friends next weekend. I am very excited to see her as it has been since Pride (June). I will also be seeing my ex-boyfriend who is still a very good friend. It will be good to catch up again and keep comparing T changes. I feel that I am lucky to have such good friends from people I've dated. It's sort of essential to me to maintain that connection.

Some friends and I went dancing last night. It was fun to be sure, though I feel that 18 is younger and younger each time I go. It's an 18+ club, but seriously some of those people looked about 13. And I know that I don't look my age, but really, it was sort of shocking.

I'm making dinner tonight. Breakfast burritos. Fantastic.

I haven't shaved for like four days. And my chin prickles are, well, prickly. And I seem to have more under my chin. Like not just on the point. My acne was getting bad for a bit, but I seem to have tamed it down a tad. It's still there, or course, but not readily noticeable. Hair is creeping in. I have noticed it getting a tad darker on my arms. And certainly my stomach. And yes, even my chest. Veins are regular now, I don't even notice until someone else does. And I've certainly outgrown size small button-ups which actually depresses me because it means I need to go find some more. I rather enjoy the muscles I've gained by not doing much though. I have only worked out nominally, and my shoulders are fairly huge. My legs are shaped correctly (as opposed to like a woman's). My hands are really strong. My thighs have a tendency to cramp up without warning, but luckily, my forearms have not had any such problems.

I really need to cut back on the sugar intake. I really am so weak around this time of year because I love mint, and apparently mint is a Christmas/winter flavor. Alas.

I feel like I'm a bit stagnant. But also accomplishing some things. I ordered my second vial of T. I did not work out. I sat on the internet. I pined a little.

I feel quite spoiled this past month. I've become used to sharing a bed. And it's fairly sad when it will just be me. But only for one night.

I sort of wish for snow. I mean, I cannot really drive in it, but I love it. Lots.

I'm rereading Everything Is Illuminated. I need to make a list of all the quotes from it. It's sort of intense how much I've underlined in that book. It's a sad book though. And I realized that really none of my favorite books are all that happy.

Anyhow. I've nothing specific to say about transition. Only that I find it interesting that I really seem to lack pretty much all dysphoria. I mean, I have it. I find it very necessary to bind. But beyond that, I guess I'm really quite comfortable with my body. And I think that's okay. We'll go with that.

8 months

Yep, this week is the eight month mark for hormones. I have to shave about every other day now because the little chin patch grows ridiculously quickly. It wouldn't be a problem, but nothing else really grows. So yeah.

Two weeks from now I'll be in Kansas with some good pals.

Today I went to the Denver Post and back to the court to get the final decree of name change. Then I went to Social Security and waited for almost two hours. But once I was seen, it was fast. I'll have my new card in about two weeks. Then I went to the DMV for the gender change paperwork. So now I just need to call my doctor and see if she has time to sign it this week so I can go back to the DMV next Monday for my new license.

Getting more and more sad that some of my great button-ups are getting too small. And so I need to switch over to mediums. Sad day. I don't want a new wardrobe. I will miss this plaid flannel. I wore it for the last time two days ago.

Guh, this hunger thing.

I worked out a bit today. That was good. It's been some time.

This weekend has potential to be busy. I really need to change the oil in my car. And Monday will be filled with running about to get name-change documentation. I need to get the affidavit from the Denver post, take it to the court to get the three copies of the decree to take to Social Security to get my new card. Then I need to go to the DMV and get the gender change paperwork to take to my doctor. Then next week, I'll have to run to the DMV again with both sets of paperwork to get my new license. Then, once the actual social security card comes (couple of weeks likely) I can change my name at work and at my bank and everywhere else. Whoo.

I really want these:

My leg was not as sore this time around and not sore for as long. So that's nice.

I think my stomach is furrier. It's odd how it really is so very gradual, but I only notice suddenly.

I like my life. I really do.

My workout these days has been carrying 50lb bags of litter all over the shelter.

sore leg.

sore heart.

have i mentioned i hate this time of year?

it's good to share though. good to not keep things so pent up.

i want to be happy. i am happy. exceptionally so, but this has been deterring me. hanging over my head in an almost unobtrusive way. i hope it all comes together soon.

working on being positive about my job. because it is a very good job. and i get paid quite well considering. i mean, it's well over minimum wage.