Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Something I neglected to mention earlier is that my affliction seems to have left, or at least it is over a week late which is really good and all I really asked. I would not be at all disappointed it it never returned.

I've been having those questioning thoughts again lately. The ones that sort of discourage me and leave me wondering if I'm doing the right thing with my life. I mean, I identify as a genderqeer person before a transguy. In this way, I should be able to live a perfectly comfortable life without changing anything. However, I've chosen to jump onto the regimen of injecting myself twice a month for the rest of my life. And it's really sort of scary. I mean, the changes are terribly exciting and I love them as they occur and all, but in the long run, the big picture, it's really pretty scary. And so I sometimes wonder if it's all a big mistake. If I'm putting my parents through a bunch of heartache for purely selfish reasons. If I'm letting go of old friends and clinging to new ones who support my choices. If I'm legitimately sinning against the god I was raised to love and follow.

And then I regress back into thinking about my former faith. And about how selfish I feel. And I realize that I need to work through these things thoroughly before I'll ever have peace of mind.

That said, I need to make an appointment with my therapist. And also really start looking for a different job.

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