Monday, November 15, 2010

32 weeks

It's been over seven months on testosterone. Hard to believe, really. I was looking back at my early posts and remembering how some things changed so drastically. I don't even think about my sweat/smell anymore. I just deal with it to keep it at a minimum, but once, it was a big deal. I don't even think about my increased libido much, I just deal with it appropriately. My hunger I'm finally starting to get under control. My acne is manageable, if annoying. Hair continues to fill in. My voice continues to get lower. My muscles continue to build (with some help).

It's been a great journey. I'm not scared anymore. I know that this is right. And I'm heaps more comfortable in my body even though nothing drastic has really changed. My body is my own, I don't want it to change. Surgically, that is. I am resigned to the changes from T. I am looking forward to the peak and level. However, I still reside in the in-between. I am not done experimenting with gender. I just want to be able to more readily play with it from the other direction. I want to keep people guessing.

That said, I also want to have some places (new job) where I am relatively stealth, as trans anyway. Don't know that I could hide my flame for long. I don't need to be stealth. Trans is a big part of my identity, but I don't want to make others too uncomfortable on a regular basis. I suppose I don't know how to rightly express what I mean. I like to fuck with people, but I also don't like to weird them out too much. Or something. Hmm. Anyway.

I had the dreaded appointment today. It was fine. I was mostly just nervous because I didn't know what to expect. Even though numerous people described the process to me in gruesome detail. Anyhow, that's over with. They took three vials of blood. This time, for the first time, I get my T levels checked.

I self-injected without supervision for the first time. Uneventful.

I was also extremely productive. Cleaned, sewed, worked out, did not search for jobs. Ah well.

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