Monday, April 18, 2011

Shot. Right leg.

This seems to be a fairly melancholy time for everyone. It makes me a bit melancholy.

I have been slowly making my way through Lost. And I've decided that I'm a lot like Charlie. Not in the addiction bit, but in the always wanting to be useful. Telling me I cannot help, is like punching me when I can't fight back. I wish it wasn't this way. I've known I've always had the 'useful' desire. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want to lead anyone. I just want someone to tell me what I can do, so that I can stay busy and help everything work out. That's all.

And I know that sometimes there is nothing I can do. And waiting is so hard.

I've been dreaming of old friends lately. I don't remember specifics about the dreams, just who was in them. It's sort of a painful nostalgia. I wish some of those friends were still in my life. I hate investing a piece of myself in someone only to have it taken from me. At the same time though, I'm through with all of the complications. My life is awesome. It really is. Besides my boring job, I've really got it made. My friends are the best I've ever had. I have found I don't have a lot of alone time, but that it's okay. I like spending time with everyone. And with one specifically. I like that we don't have to fill the silences with drivel. We can enjoy each other's company without words.

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