I'm going to attempt no-shave November. I've just shaved and we'll see how far I get before my uneven stubble annoys me too much. Or I go see my family for Thanksgiving...

I'm not abandoning this, but I am going to shift focus to my writing blog at least for the month of November.

www.agentrusco.blogspot.com

(I'd link it, but blogger keeps breaking.)

I'm a bit of a baby. Never had uti before, so I went to urgent care to take care of it. I don't like bleeding from down there. Not one bit. Anyhow, I was nervous to go to not-my-doctor, but the nurse was fantastic. For gender on the form I put ftm because it's medical and that's the most true. So he had to double check for insurance and I told him I'm still female on that. He was really cool and professional the whole time. It really wasn't an issue at all. This is how it should be. Always. Especially when the thing someone comes in for has nothing to do with gender or even sex. So that was cool. Not looking forward to the bill I'm going to get from my insurance though, because I have a high deductible, so I have to pay for it all eventually.

Being ill really sucks. I couldn't make it though work today, and I cannot afford to miss more, so this antibiotic had better kick in soon.

I am going to work on getting my passport updated and renewed. It's quite the process. I need a letter, a very specific letter from my doctor stating that I'm medically male. She doesn't have to disclose anything at all, just state that. I have to fill out the renewal form. Get a photo. Bring my name change paperwork. Supply my old passport. Pay $110 and wait for a couple of months. It's the money that's the biggest issue. Hopefully I can call my doctor's office and get her to write the letter and get things rolling by next month.

I need to get out of the country as soon as I have some money. Now that my car is payed off, I can save again and it's slowly building back up.

Also, I love Autumn. I wish this weather was year-round. I love wearing a jacket in the morning and evening, and shirt-sleeves in the middle of the day. I love the chilly breezes and the crisp air. I love the smell of the trees and the color of the leaves. And the crunchiness too.

Where can I move that is always Autumn?

I just had a thought. It's been over a year since I've menstruated. It was something that was so constant in my life for over 10 years. And now, only occasional cramps remind me that I've don't miss it one bit.

Since I had to wait for 2 weeks for my shot, my mood has been a bit funky. Something very off emotionally. Working it out though. Thinking I should perhaps see my therapist again soon.

I did my shot yesterday, 1.25 cc. Hopefully that will lower m y levels back to a normal range and keep me from flutuating so much.

I'm enjoying my steadily building strength. I can now do 8 chin-ups in a row and 3 pull-ups behind my head. I can carry two 50lb bags of litter with ease. It's fantastic. Now just to do some cardio and watch my eating so I can get rid of this gut.

My doctor's office told me that my T levels are too high. So I have to go back to injections every two weeks. It's a slightly higher dose than before, so I shouldn't have the fluctuation effects, but it should lower the levels. Hope it works.

Shot today. Left leg. Messed up the first one. Had to stab twice. I don't know what's up with that. I don't like it.

I updated my youtube.

I did much better with my shot this time. Just didn't allow myself to overthink it. I've been having the problem of overthinking a lot of things lately. I used to do it all the time pre-T and it's sort of resurfacing now. All will be well though, I'm sure.

I guess it's been a long time since last I updated. I went on a nice long camping/road trip with my boyfriend over the holiday weekend. It was more than fantastic. I didn't shave for almost two weeks. It got a bit gross actually. And my acne has been acting up. I don't know if it's due to candy consumption or something else.

I've been having increasing difficulty giving myself my shot. It's strange. When I first began, it was no big deal. I would hesitate for a few seconds then jab myself. Now I wait and sweat for a few minutes. It's annoying. I don't know why, but I seem to be steadily gaining a fear of needles or something.

There are some new people at work which is a very good thing. However, one (rather annoying one) asked me if I was legal. I assured her that I was several years older than her. But it irked me. I don't know which age she thought I hadn't reached yet, 18 or 21, but regardless, I'm tired of not looking my age.

Someday.

It's interesting to see how much I've grown in the past year or so. I got a shirt at Pride last June, it was a free one, thrown into the crowd from the parade. It's a medium and was too big for me. Well, now it's almost too small. It actually fits quite well now. It's a bit short, showing a lot of stomach (hair) when I raise my arms. And many of my favorite t-shirts are now too small. I grew out of the button ups quite early on, them not being stretchable and all, but now I cannot fit into many of my small Ts. You can see my binder through them and the bulge of flab where my chest is moves toward my armpits. It's unfortunate. I wonder how my long sleeved ones will fit this winter?

Hiked Bierstadt, and 14,000 foot peak. The first 14er I've made it to the top of, and I've attempted four others. It was quite amazing what my testosterone infused body can do. Sure, I was out of breath in the altitude, but the climb itself was not very hard at all. And it didn't wipe me out completely like big hikes usually do. A very good day.

Injection, left leg. For some reason it was really hard this time. I balked for a good 5 minutes. Strange how that happens.

I need to make an appointment for sometime in the next month or so. I need to make sure it's right in the middle of my injection cycle so all the levels can be properly checked.

I haven't posted in some time. Nothing much to report. I wasn't late on my last shot. I need a new vial. I've been eating salads regularly. They make me feel a bit more healthy even if I put cheese and ranch dressing on them.

Shot (a day late again). Left leg.

I went ten days without shaving.

No car today. No seeing Dad, and no shave. Hopefully he'll be able to come up on Wednesday and make the exchange.

It is so very hot. I want Autumn.

So... I found that ass hair people talk about....

My dad is coming to Denver on Friday to trade out vehicles with me. He helped me find a new Pathfinder. Well, newer. It has four doors and runs. That's exciting. Now I'll be in debt to him as well.

I think I should shave before he comes. Not because I don't want him to see that I have stubble, but because I'm ashamed of how measly my stubble is. If it were full, I'd have no problem.

I hate the heat. It causes all sorts of irritations when coupled with my new level of sweatyness.

New Goals

1. eat fruits and/or vegetable at least once daily. green is good.
2. stand and sit up straight.
3. eat only one serving of sweets per day.


Simple. I can do this and feel so much better about myself. I've been feeling so icky lately.

Also: something I noticed today, my left sideburn is actually coming in quite nicely. I mean, it's wispy, but is is darkening. I don't shave them as often as the rest of my face, and I can finally tell. I may stop shaving my face for awhile. Last time I got very bad razor burn. It does get all prickly and itchy after about a week though. We'll see how long I last.

I was supposed to give myself my injection yesterday, but forgot and did it this morning instead. Right leg. No pain at all. I read somewhere that breathing out (and breathing in general) helps it not to hurt and for general relaxation. It does seem to work, not that I've ever really had problems.

I was doing some research on some acne treatments. Vitamin B5 has been suggested to me, but I'm hesitant for several reasons. One, my acne is not actually all that terrible. It's annoying, but not really a hindrance. Two, popping a lot of pills is rather annoying and also could end up being costly. And, three, one of the common side effects is apparently hair loss. I'm not sure I'm willing to run that risk.


hairy!

The humidity is about to kill me. I sweat so very much. And my binders dig in under my arms. It's all very irritating and gross.

I'm getting more hair on my chest. It started around my nipples and now is finally moving toward the center. It almost connects to the hair creeping up my middle. The hair on my hands is coming in more as well. And the veins, as people keep pointing out.

I really need to work on eating well, and less. I cannot stand to go running in this heat, so I need to find some other (free) cardio workout to try to get rid of my pudgy middle.

shot. left leg.

I got a new tritop binder recently. They seem to have changed their design or something. I was worried that it would be hell to break in since I've got much bigger muscles since last I had a new one. But the new one is not tighter than the older one. In fact, it's possibly looser. Leastwise, it doesn't cut me under the arms like the older one. But it does still bind decently.

I haven't updated here in a long time. I'm not really sure what to say anymore. Changes are happening so slowly now. I suppose hair is still creeping in. And I wish more and more for a flat chest in this awful heat. I hate binding.

Getting a new car. Working out payment with my dad. I just have to find a way to get across the mountains to pick it up.

shot right leg.

Went to Pride last weekend. Fantastic. I walked around in small green underwear one day. I sort of don't mind being objectified occasionally.

I love my boyfriend more than I can ever express. Ever.

Shot in my left leg.

I definitely like not having the fluctuations anymore. Though I do occasionally get cramps. They haven’t followed through. Perhaps it’s just the T wringing the life out of my ovaries.


I have been hearing that there is a B vitamin that helps with acne. I will do some looking into it as soon as I have some time.