Saturday, April 5, 2014

4 years ago

what? a new shirt?
So it's been four years since I spread my first packet of testosterone gel onto my skin. Four years of assimilating into a different culture.

It's odd to think about really.

Not much has changed since the first year except beard hairs. I have a feeling this may be the thickest it gets, but I may be wrong.

I feel good. I am getting quite fit. In fact, this morning I ran 4 miles in about 43 minutes. Very likely the longest I've ever run. It wasn't easy, but it also wasn't so bad. So I'm looking forward to running more soon.

I still have reservations about joining the male population. I am not stealth, but I'm also not blatantly out. And sometimes it's just surreal to be in male spaces and listen to the things that go on. I still feel like an outsider, though I may blend perfectly. The truth it, I don't really want to blend in. I don't want the male privileged that's been handed me.

I'm not really sure how to avoid it though without being loudly queer. And I'm just not loud. Too bad everything is automatically binary.

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