I need to write here more. Even if it's not necessarily trans related.

But today, I'll talk trans a bit. I have been letting my sideburns grow. That is, I haven't shaved them in over a week. It's pathetic. My chin hairs come in quite dark and prickly, but not nearly dense enough. Ah well, time I guess.

I've been having a bit of top surgery envy lately. I am still largely on the fence about whether or not I want to actually have surgery, but I am so jealous of the people who do. I want a flat chest more than most things in life. There are just so many complications to that. 1) I don't want huge scars. I want a natural chest. 2) I have an indented sternum, so my chest will never be flat. 3)I don't have the money and would have a hard time spending it on that if I did have it. I'd prefer to travel.

Binding's a bitch though. All sweaty and itchy and acne under it. It cuts under my arms. I want to swim and play in the sun. Walk in the rain. Wear a white shirt. Breathe.

Alas.

I also really want a new job. Seems I have a useless though expensive degree. And I am staunchly opposed to returning to school. I've been applying at some random places, but I'm trying to get away from dogs and into something I will actually enjoy for a long period of time. Or not. Perhaps just something to transition me into something I'll enjoy doing for a long period of time. Really, I'm not too picky. I just need to get paid as much or more than I get now. And not hate my life.